Trust.

I am still excited, but also a little worn down. I have realized a few personal goals I would like to fulfill in this journey up to the concert. First, I am already beginning to overcome some insecurities that have always caused me quite a bit of trouble in the past - pretending to be confident when I feel an inch tall, for example. Another one is my fear of calling people I don't know and acting like I know what I'm talking about. I also have realized that I am a more confident human being when I am informed. When I know all the bits and pieces, it is easier to do "all of the above."

Most importantly, I am learning to be selfless and to trust God. I am learning to keep fighting for things even when I feel the distinct desire to throw in the towel and say, "What business do I have putting this together? I'm just me." How proud! It's not just me. In fact, it's barely me at all - it's God. I need to tell myself that. The truth is, that's a selfish thought anyway. I'm doing it for someone else. I'm doing it for God and his broken people who need it so much more than I need an extra hour of sleep, or season two of "Flight of the Conchords," or even an A in a class instead of a B. Yeah, I've got my priorities straight right now, I think. I don't have to suffer in order to keep other people from suffering - that's the bottom line.

For every snag that's come up in the last week, there has been a solution and then some, giving me even more hope for the event than before.

Right now, I am scared of having a terrible turn-out for this concert. Honestly, I am terrified that only a few people are going to show up for it. I just really want it to be a success. I want people to come to this concert and feel a little something inside stir that makes them want to change their life, even a little, to see how much they have, and how much they have to give.

I am learning to simply trust God and work my hardest. It is so hard not to be anxious and afraid. And I know, as I sit here and type this, with a ridiculous fear welling up inside me, God is shaking his head at me and saying, "Silly girl. Don't you see how well I've taken care of you already? There are no monsters under your bed and the bogeyman is not hiding in your closet. Just be happy - nothing can touch you when I am here."

I know that I have some lofty goals for this concert, and I know that few of them are likely to be realized. What I do know is that God will find a way for something really wonderful to come of this concert. I think He wants this benefit concert to happen, for whatever reason. He always has a reason.

Pray for me to see how deeply He really does care for me. I need to relax.

END.