I guess the most important thing lately has been my effort to stop caring about whether or not I get Dean's list this semester. And it's a sincere effort, but it just isn't working. I still can't stop worrying about it. I know how dumb that is, but I just keep thinking that if I studied just a little bit harder for one of those stupid classes I don't care about, on one or two things, I would be fine. But that didn't happen, so I guess I should just get over it and do a better job next time.
I don't REALLY like the idea of getting a C in anything, but I guess I'm pretty glad to have a solid C in Spanish. At least, I'm hoping I have a solid C.
I need to get over it. Seriously. Seriously get over it. There are more important things I should be thinking about.
My jury on Friday was acceptable, I guess. I just feel that I had that Beethoven sonata the best I had it weeks prior to my jury, and then I started slowly taking steps backward. Even when I was finally able to make the solo part seem cohesive with the accompaniment (and let's just say that particular problem was not Joseph's fault), I felt that my tone and intonation became increasingly bad, and my grip on the pitches and articulations became looser and looser. It was just scary to step onstage and play a piece that seemed to get worse each time I played it.
Fortunately, I pulled a barely-listenable performance out of my butt at the last second and wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. Mr. Tuckwiller also seems to think I'm ready to tackle this Richard Strauss concerto, about which I have SERIOUS doubts. I think he knows it will be a pretty big challenge for me, and I guess I'm okay with that. I'm just worried, because I never even got the Beethoven to the point where I wanted it, and now he wants me to start a more difficult piece?
I guess the more I have to practice, the more I'll actually practice...
If that even makes any sense.
I just want to be a better musician. I'm scared of too many things.
END.
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go for it! i'll be in the practice rooms right there with you--senior recitals are kind of a motivating factor. WE CAN DO IT. we can do anything we want. let's just go for it and stop letting fear dictate our lives.
ReplyDeleteit's an awful way to live. let's move forward!
First of all I love the song that is in your title-its great :). Second of all, I think that this semester was really weird for all of us...I need to practice sooo much more then I do. Anyways the point of this comment is for you to know that we are all in this together. :)
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